Friday

Time is ticking down. Days now, rather than weeks. Soon I'll be counting in hours. Friday I'll be counting in minutes.

The Day is drawing near.

The Day when I meet The Agent.

The potential for an emotional extreme, positive or negative, is off the charts. Which means the stakes are high. Emotional stakes are more pulse pounding than most any other kind.

Personal stakes. Hopes and dreams.

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but it's true on many levels. I write because I love to write, but like anything else I undertake with some level of fervor, I want to do it well. I'd like to be published, and if some financial success followed, that would be the dream come true. The dream.

But, I don't live in the dream. I live in the hope.

I write, I read, I learn, I practice, and I get better. I do it because I love creating a movie in your head with my words. I love the process of creating characters and settings and scenes. I love the way the plot emerges slowly in my mind as I'm working on the characters, and then when something connects and the epiphany flashes, it's a spiritual experience. I dig it. So I will continue to write, no matter what the outcome of this looming encounter with a being who possesses the power to crush my hope.

I know, dramatic again. All kidding aside, I will be disappointed if I hear, "The writing just isn't there, yet."

I can handle hearing, "It needs some work but it's close." That I can handle without breaking down and crying like a little boy who just dropped his ice cream cone.

I can handle hearing, "It's not for me." Not every story is going to connect with every agent, such is life.

But given the forum for this critique, I think I'll come away knowing if my skills as a wordsmith are approaching a publishable level.

I'm afraid to dwell on the other extreme of the spectrum. The potential fall is too risky. I try to stay right around the middle. Hoping to hear, "This is pretty good. You need to work on..."

Anything better than that is sugar on top. Anything less, well, I'll keep my game face on until I get back to my hotel room, probably call some people and share my disappointment. Try not to cry.

Tick tock tick tock...