Monday, July 21, 2008

Friday

Time is ticking down. Days now, rather than weeks. Soon I'll be counting in hours. Friday I'll be counting in minutes.

The Day is drawing near.

The Day when I meet The Agent.

The potential for an emotional extreme, positive or negative, is off the charts. Which means the stakes are high. Emotional stakes are more pulse pounding than most any other kind.

Personal stakes. Hopes and dreams.

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but it's true on many levels. I write because I love to write, but like anything else I undertake with some level of fervor, I want to do it well. I'd like to be published, and if some financial success followed, that would be the dream come true. The dream.

But, I don't live in the dream. I live in the hope.

I write, I read, I learn, I practice, and I get better. I do it because I love creating a movie in your head with my words. I love the process of creating characters and settings and scenes. I love the way the plot emerges slowly in my mind as I'm working on the characters, and then when something connects and the epiphany flashes, it's a spiritual experience. I dig it. So I will continue to write, no matter what the outcome of this looming encounter with a being who possesses the power to crush my hope.

I know, dramatic again. All kidding aside, I will be disappointed if I hear, "The writing just isn't there, yet."

I can handle hearing, "It needs some work but it's close." That I can handle without breaking down and crying like a little boy who just dropped his ice cream cone.

I can handle hearing, "It's not for me." Not every story is going to connect with every agent, such is life.

But given the forum for this critique, I think I'll come away knowing if my skills as a wordsmith are approaching a publishable level.

I'm afraid to dwell on the other extreme of the spectrum. The potential fall is too risky. I try to stay right around the middle. Hoping to hear, "This is pretty good. You need to work on..."

Anything better than that is sugar on top. Anything less, well, I'll keep my game face on until I get back to my hotel room, probably call some people and share my disappointment. Try not to cry.

Tick tock tick tock...

4 Comments:

At 9:06 PM , Blogger Sarah Laurenson said...

I know. I know. It's so nerve wracking. And I go into it thinking my writing is at the top of it's form. And then I hear what needs work and I start over again and learn more about how to do this even better.

One person's opinion, even an agent's, is still one person's opinion.

If it's meant to be, it'll be. You're doing the footwork.

Good Luck!!!!!

 
At 9:46 PM , Blogger McKoala said...

Not tense at all, are you?! Relax, chat, make notes. I'm sure it's all going to go great!

 
At 3:13 AM , Blogger Robin S. said...

Hey- I messed up with my best wishes last week (being a week early will certainly do that) - but I still mean them this week, in fact even more so since it's the correct week, so there ya go.

And you're gonna do extremely well - you'll see!

 
At 8:51 AM , Anonymous wonderwood said...

Well, I'm here at the hotel. I checked into the conference, but I have a couple of hours before the first panel I'm attending, so I checked into the hotel room.

First news, my consultation isn't until tomorrow afternoon (Saturday) so I have to sweat it out a little longer.

Thanks Sarah, I appreciate the support.

McKoala, I was pretty tense this week, but believe it or not, I feel pretty relaxed right now. Tomorrow might be a different story, we'll see.

Robin, I knew your luck wishes would carry over, but thanks for resending them. I need all the luck I can get. I'll check back in this evening and drop in a post about this afternoon's activities.

Tune in this evening. Catch y'all later.

 

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