As has been the trend for me the last five years, I have a lot to be thankful for. The last year has been interesting for many reasons, one being that I was aware of impending change, and patient enough to let it happen as I tried to do the right things to facilitate it. That's growth for me. That's not really what's on my mind tonight, though. Tonight I'm feeling grateful for the desire to create.
I love creating. When I was a young boy I loved to draw, and had some talent at it, but never really pursued it and tried to learn and improve. As I got older I began to write, very sporadically over the years. Somewhere along the line I lost the drive to create, and didn't draw or write much. Then later, about 6 years ago, I started writing again. The only problem was, I was too drunk most of the time to ever become good at it. The spark to do it was there, though.
Then, four and a half years ago when I got sober, I started writing again, with a purpose this time. It started out as just an idea, to see if I had the tenacity to write a novel, as I'd always liked to think I could. I started it and was serious about finishing it. The desire to create was back, and I was sober enough to stoke the flame.
So I did it, and learned a lot along the way, and now I want to take it to the next level. The first one was an education. My skills have improved, I have a clue what I'm doing now, and the desire to create is burning. The flame peaks and dwindles but it is burning.
I'm almost to the halfway point of the new WIP, creeping up on the pivotal scene, ready for all hell to break loose. I think I've done a good job of setting it up, though I have a concern the first half might need more tension. When it's complete, if I think I need to somehow ratchet up the tension in the first half, I'll have a better idea of what and where.
I'm grateful that the desire to create sparked back to life. There's something spiritual in the creative process, and it syncs well with my desire to grow spiritually and apply my spiritual growth to all facets of my life. The creative process of writing - from the conception stage, through the revision stage, to the fine-tuning and polishing stage - has the feel of a spiritual journey and gives me insight into myself and my view of the world.
I'm taking new strides in my pursuit of spiritual growth. I had a lengthy conversation with a friend in the AA program today, a man I've admired since I've been in the program. He's been sober about twenty years, and I'm intrigued by his spiritual beliefs. Today I asked him to be my sponsor. I have two sponsors already, and they serve different purposes. This guy will be more of a spiritual sponsor, someone I can bounce ideas off of, because we share the same curiousity and desire for greater self-realization. I'm grateful for this also.
So, tonight I'll pound out a few more paragraphs. Keep the flame stoked. Peace and may all the good people feel grateful today.