Changes

It's been a while since my last post, and many things have changed.

My father passed away two weeks ago.

I'm not going to tell a sad story, and this isn't a tribute post. I said the eulogy and that was hard enough; I'm not up for a tribute at this time. There are better ways to honor him.

In addition to the grief that everyone feels when they lose a loved one, there's also a strange feeling when both parents are gone. Kind of a detached feeling, like the last thread to your childhood is finally severed. I mean, I've been an adult for at least five or six years now, but when my parents were alive, I was still someone's kid. And there was some security in that. But now, the last vestige of that childhood security is vanished and it feels weird.

I have some big decisions to make. Normally, when I make big decisions I consult my father. I didn't always heed his advice. In fact, many times I didn't. Funny thing though; the older I grew, the more often I found myself agreeing with him. But, either way, I asked and listened to what he said. Now, that voice, the voice that was usually right whether I wanted it to be or not, is no longer audible. I have to seek to hear it in other ways.

And I think I do hear his voice. Not, like, in a crazy way. But for instance, tonight I was thinking about a situation I'm dealing with and some decisions I need to make, and I've been working through this for a week or so. Out of the blue, an idea popped into my head. Do it this way.

It was a different angle, perfectly feasible, and relatively simple. I liked it. And then I thought about what my dad would say if I presented the idea to him. He'd probably say, "Why didn't you see that angle from the git go?"

I could hear him say it.

So, I'll check it out tomorrow, work it through and see if it makes as much sense in the morning as it makes right now.

I guess I'll get used to it, after a while. The detached feeling, that is, not the voices.

So now life goes on and I know how to honor both my parents. One day at a time.