Waiting

I didn't realize it would be this fun. I submitted my hook to the Miss Snark Crap-o-meter, and now I'm reading the blog, updating every 30 minutes or so. I'm enjoying reading the entries as she posts them, and it's fun checking to see if mine is up yet. I expect I'll get a bashing, as I don't seem able to write a decent fucking hook. I'll say that submitting it to Evil Editor was humbling. The good news is, I was able to put my pride on hold long enough to glean the bits and pieces of constructive criticism, and hopefully I've used this information wisely. I think I have. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

What adds to the fun is knowing that there are probably hundreds of other writers out there, doing the exact same thing I am, and waiting with almost breathless anticipation for the beating that is sure to come, but holding on to a quivering shred of hope that you've submitted something she'll approve of, and you can now set about your agent quest with confidence.

Sitting in the darkness, the light from the monitor turning our faces pale blue, reading the beatings that the first queriers are taking. The heart is beating faster, fueled with adrenaline and caffeine, and the mind is performing acrobatics, "I'm going to be humilated... No, I'm not, it doesn't suck as bad as some of these... Hell, it might even be good... No, it sucks and I'm going to be humiliated..."

We're all putting our hopes and, to an extent, our dreams right out there to be shot down in soul-scalding flames. Will the bullet strike my most vulnerable parts, my doubt and my muse? Probably. The hope that I have is, when I'm shot down, let there be some criticism I can use to pick myself up with.

I don't know how long I'll have to wait to see mine. She opened it up at 8:00 and I'm sure there were dozens of people sitting at their computers waiting for the clock to strike the hour, and I didn't send mine until about 9:30. I wonder if this is going to be an all nighter kind of thing? Will she keep going until she gets through all of them? If it is, I'd like to know now, so I can decide if I want to put on another pot of coffee. I shouldn't, I've had plenty of caffeine already this evening.

And now I believe I'll check the crap-o-meter site again. I hope I'm not sitting there squashed like a bug on Miss Snark's limo.